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.Suzan.

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Don't you Wish Your Girlfriend Was INSANE Like Me? [20 Aug 2005|02:00am]
[ mood | confused ]




Well, I am oficially fucked up, i mean, what sort of a person plucks their eyebrows at 1 in the morning, then does her hair, and obseses over skin imperfections that don't exist, i repeat DON'T EXIST! well, for people who have the misfortune of reading this, this is me, this is how i am inside and for some reason tonight, these emotions are coming out raw and uncensored, very raw.




Well, we always knew i was fucked up, i mean, with the drugs and all, but i cannot sleep, not at all, why do i withdraw a month after the last line? WHY NOW!? just when my life was getting better with my boss getting fired on my behalf and all because he felt the need to spit at me? WHY NOW FUCK YOU!!!




why am i the freak who is obsessed with how she looks but never gets anywhere? why can i not leave the house without my hair and makeup done and STILL look like a trashbag? why do i hate female clothing so much? what early childhood disaster occured to mould me into the person i am?




Why can't i stop smoking even though when i take a sip of a drink i can't breathe for minutes afterwards because missed that one breath? like, my lungs cannot handle missing that one breath so to warn me to never drink ANYTHING ever again the feel the need to cause me discomfort in the form of wheezing and coughing and spluttering?




Also, why do i feel the need to write this all down? do i not have the capability of keeping anything to myself? i'm so fucked!




Why am I the girl who tries so hard to look decent and never gets anywhere? Why am I the girl who works ALL THE FREAKING TIME and has no social life due to previously mentioned circumstances? (these circumstances are illustrated on the above line)




All I want is for someone to love me for who I am, entirely, as a whole, for somene to care about me, and want me and to be happy just to be in my presence, and for me to be able to feel the same way? maybe i just really don't love myself enough to be loved at the moment. obviously i feel love for people, even outside my family, obviously this illustrates the fact that I am FUCKED, Really, i do love you all, and I am hardly ever like this, just in serious need of venting this beautiful quarter past two in the morning. I apologise for the valuable time you spent reading this fucking crap

Suzy xxx

P.s. IGNORE THIS CONFESSION. recently i have been seriously thinking about O.D'ing on speed.

I DO NOT MEAN ANY OF THIS, PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT I AM IN A HORRIBLE SELF PITYING MOOD, I DO NOT REQUIRE SYMPATHY JUST A GOOD HARD KICK TO THE FUCKING FACE.
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Hungry [14 Aug 2005|09:59pm]
[ mood | high ]



HAHAHA i just found out that Jess is stoned, HAHAHAHA funny bitch.



oh dear anyways, i went to work, my boss sent me home again, hahaha, i always complain about how much i hate work, so because my boss loves me he always sends me home, its great :D i have to do my homework for chef's school, i mean, if the heroin addict in my class can do his, i sure as hell can fucking do mine! (he's a better chef than me too haha) i have a stomach ache, i havent eaten in three days, there is no food in my house, well, obviously not literally but none i actually want to eat. maybe i will eat an orange, i hope i dosn't have pips, i hate pips. it has fucking pips, i'm not eating it, haha.



i need someone to buy me things... hmmm



after i finished work brad picked me up and we gave this really hot chick called Ally a lift home. then we smoked weed, now i'm at home with the munchies and no food.



God my life is boring haha, i have nothing better to write about than the fact i hate pips in oranges :s a sad sad life i lead.



i bought heaps of lingerie, i had this sudden urge to be really girly so i bought all this cute lacy/sexy stuff, i love lingerie. and considering my favourite jeans have a hole in the left ass cheek i need to wear good underwear underneath :P



anyhoo, i've taken up too much of anyone who reads this time so i'm going
loveyoubye

♥ Suzan xxx

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Brilliant [14 Aug 2005|12:08am]
[ mood | drunk ]

Good Afternoon!

it's really hot in here.

you know what? i am going to be alone for the rest of my life.

it's true, no one is stupid enough to ever want to actually BE with me, except me of course :P HAHAHA! oh dear.. i'm always drunk drunk is bad. i have work tomorrow. i think i'm going to go take a shower. i fucking hate my job. my favourite workmate is going to court for hitting three people in a drag race next week, he could go to jail, if he goes to jail, i am quitting my job and moving ANYWHERE WILL DO as long as i dont have to go to work at BEACHCOMBER ever again. being a chef sucks balls sometimes.

i am tired, i'm going to bed, loveyoubye
xxx

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[12 Aug 2005|09:09pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

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Wow [12 Aug 2005|07:45pm]
i havent updated this thing in such a long time, such a long time. that is fucked. Will do you still write in your thing? i think the only person who used their livejournal when i did that is still here is Sally. i'm 18 now and most of the entries in this thing are from when i was a sixteen year old fucktard. nice :)

i am an apprentice chef i try to go to work every day but sometimes my manipulative abilities get in the way and i get the day off. my boss is perverted and the other boss hits me. nice nice :D so obviously, i love it. maybe i might die if i lie too much...

Havent done hard drugs in nearly a month, how good is that? it's a stoners life for meeeeeeeee

i was so drunk when i went into work this morning that i said "you know what? i am fucking georgeous and that is the only reason we have customers here" to the manager, he thought it was hilarious, but i was serious! hahahaha.

why did i update this thing in the first place? maybe i will get a friend. hahahahaha. oh dear.

this is the only way to get in touch with Nic anymore anyways :P there ya go you have an excuse.

due to recent conversations with someone, sex is permanently on the brain. and because this person can't fight back if they don't know i've written this, I FUCKING WIN!!!!!

xxxx
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[05 May 2003|07:14pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]



..§lit.My.Ŵrists.Ŧhey're.łn.Piěces,Ŧhis.Ŵas.My.Łast.Řesort,§uffocation,Ŋo.ßreathin'.Đon't.Ĝive.Å.Fuck.łf.ł.Đon't.Ŝtop.ßleeding..

- Suzan
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